Thursday, October 9, 2008

Honestly Speaking

My friend Jill has tagged me for a list to confess four things that may be difficult to admit in my life right now. Actually that was several days ago, so maybe I should add my procrastination to the list. Being that I am pretty critical of myself most of the time, it shouldn't be too hard to come up with some. The hard part will be narrowing it down to any number.

1. So I'll just start with me specifically. There are days I feel I am not doing enough to be a godly wife and mother, ok there's a lot of those days. One thing I sometimes feel guilty about even though I know it's one of the best things I can do for Ava, is not working outside the home. This is mostly because of the financial aspect. I just remind myself that just because we don't have every little luxury there is, that no amount of extra money would make up for the things I would miss with Ava. Another thing that would actually create more guilt if I did work elsewhere is my feeling unable to keep everything spotless and organized all the time. I sometimes feel I am constantly straightening with no results to show. Also, would be my inability to plan meals, homemade of course, for at least a week. It just never works out when I try. This is mainly due to my husband's deciding he wants something totally different from my plan mid-week on. Who, by the way, reminds me regularly how grateful he is for all I do and of course, how much he loves me no matter what.

2. Then there's Ava. I am usually quite critical of my parenting skills. I guess this stems from being a first-time parent of only the one child. Am I doing all I can to raise her to be the selfless child of God I hope she'll be? Am I doing what I should for home school preschool? Do I let her eat too much of the wrong things? Does she get enough exercise? Am I choosing the right ways to discipline? These questions could and will go on til she's 18 I'm sure. But then when she's living her own life somewhere I'll be going back over them wondering if I'm the cause when something goes wrong. At that point I hope to be able to just hand it over to God and pray for the best.

3. I'm getting frustrated with myself on my weight. I don't have the will power I had several years ago when I lost so much so quickly. Granted, I don't have the same reason I did then. I should be able to do it for myself and my family now. Exercising, when I do, is not enough now. I just don't want to ever let myself get up to where I was before. I never got to my ultimate goal weight, but now it seems soooo far away. After Ava, I had just 10 lbs left (to the weight just before pregnant) for the longest time, now I know that has actually increased. I want to set a good example for Ava early, by staying active and eating right.

4. I know I don't make enough time for God in my daily schedule. Which I feel especially guilty of since I'm at home so much. I am working on this. I have been trying to get up before Ava at least by an hour to read the bible and talk with Him. I know that the above things along with others I could continue to list could be more easily dealt with by doing so more regularly. I know he doesn't want me piling these insecurities on myself, but rather bring them to lay before Him to guide me through. Instead of telling Him how I don't know if I'm doing this or that right or complaining about things I can't do anything about at all, I should remember the verse "Be still and know that I am God..." Psalm 46:10 and know He's there to take it all.


Tiffany said...

Psalms 46:10 is one of my favorite scriptures, I have it hanging in my living room! You have done great to do this tag, I still haven't done it yet!